me: one photo at a time

“I wish I had invented blue jeans. They have expression, modesty, sex appeal, simplicity – all I hope for in my clothes.” -Yves Saint Laurent

Boring, I know.

A Mother’s love is something
that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God’s tender guiding hand.

Helen Steiner Rice

“We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting the laundry.” -E. B. White

Laundry is my favorite chore. I actually enjoy the sorting (it appeals to my natural need for control, I think). The only thing I hate is putting the stuff away. I don’t even mind folding but putting things on hangers and in dressers is really boooooring.

“All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.”
-Groucho Marx

I’m too tired to find a clever quote. Think what you will.

Kind of looks like elephant skin, haha.

First… I made it to day 100, woo hoo!

Second… I almost didn’t! I never got around to taking a real photo today. When I realized this (at 12:07am!!) I was so upset. I scoured the shots that I did take and found myself in this one.

Third… the milestones are (obviously) making it to day 100 and forgetting to take a photo for the first time.

Fourth… isn’t Boo so cute? She was upset here because I wouldn’t let her down to play in the snow. We were watching her brother outside.

I got some new socks today. That makes me very happy inside. :)

Another uninspired night. I’m just EXHAUSTED lately. I sit down in the middle of the day and almost fall asleep, even with the kids running around me. Kent’s been working insane hours lately. It’s funny – he does so much around here and I don’t notice until he’s not here to do it. I am a very lucky lady. I don’t know how moms in the 50s did it, honestly. There’s no way I could be a mom/housewife all day and then tend to my husband (like an extra child) until bedtime. No. freaking. way. My husband is a HUGE help and I can’t wait until Saturday when he gets a day off!

So anyway. I’m tired and uninspired and so you all get to marvel at another shot of my hair. Lucky people! ;)

I have been a hair twirler since I was very small… pretty much since I had hair to twirl. (I was practically bald until I was nearly 2 years old!) My son does the same thing. So yeah. Woo diddly hoo.

My grief lies all within,
And these external manners of lament
Are merely shadows to the unseen grief
That swells with silence in the tortured soul
-William Shakespeare

It wasn’t easy to get to the cemetery today. The road was closed. I parked at the end of it and walked up alone, carrying the flower, sinking in snow up to my knees, the wind blowing in my face. I left that one yellow flower there, sitting on a foot of snow.

My father has been dead for 18 years now. 18 years… that’s over two-thirds of my life.

I feel cheated. Out of a father, out of a childhood, out of security. Every day I wonder if today is the day my husband won’t make it home. I hate that. It is so hard for me to get close to people – I’ve just lost so many people in my life. I’m so ANGRY still. Angry that my father doesn’t know me. When he died I wasn’t even a fragment of who I am now. I’m angry that he doesn’t know my children, that my children won’t know him. I’m angry that he left me with just my mother. I’m angry sometimes that other people take their parents (and their children, their friends, family, etc.) for granted, not realizing how quickly it can be taken away.